The Only Thing That's Missing...Is You.

Dear Sweet Sophia,

This Summer has been such a crazy time for us.  Your first annual Help Us, Help Hearts event went better than we could have possibly imagined.  We have such great family and friends and they all showed up to show us how much they love you.  It is still overwhelming to think of the people who know you, but have never met you that are willing to go the extra mile for you.  We are so thankful for that.  Our hearts are so full of love for your supporters and because of you we have learned the true meaning of giving.

Summer is always a difficult time for us.  I still remember so vividly the day we came home from Cleveland without you.  It was so warm out.  I hadn't been outside really in almost 2 weeks and I remember that we had the car windows open.  As we got on the expressway your Daddy went to roll the windows up and I told him to leave them down.  I closed my eyes and put my head back against the seat and let the warm Summer air hit my face.  You were gone and my heart was so heavy but the air felt so good all around me, it was comforting somehow.  When the warm Summer air blows to this day, I love the way it feels.  It's as if somehow it's you, giving us a warm hug to let us know that you are alright.  I still close my eyes sometimes and think of you the way that I did that day.  Swaddled so tightly and smelling like my little girl the last time I held you.

Your brother will be 6 in just a couple of weeks.  I can't believe how the time has passed.  It makes me sad to think he and Maryn are growing up without you.  He told Daddy the other night that he just wants you for his Birthday.  He would be willing to give up his Lego sets and Pokemon cards if you could just come home.  I smiled at his gesture because he has such a caring and kind heart and then we struggled to make him understand that we would give him anything he wanted but just couldn't make that happen.  He wanted to be your big brother in the worst kind of way.

Your sister is still a quiet soul.  She is growing up right before our eyes into the most beautiful young lady.  You looked so much like her when you were born and we often catch glimpses of you in her smile and laugh.  She is so helpful and caring, always doting on your little cousins and we can see what an amazing sister she would have been.  She sings to you each time we visit on Sunday and even made you your very own song.  I hope you hear her sweet voice when she sings it before your headstone on our visits each and every Sunday.  She tends to your flowers and picks out the weeds each week and gets very annoyed with Anthony when he tries to copy her song to you, it has now become a little bit of a joke.  We make sure each week that Maryn sings first.

Tonight, Maryn stayed up a little later.  Anthony fell asleep in your chair and she asked to stay up to watch Beauty and the Beast.  After getting approval to stay up she emerged from her room with her Belle dress on and danced with each song in the living room.  She asked Daddy to dance when Tale as Old as Time played and in that moment I pictured what you would have looked like in that dress taking turns with Maryn, dancing with Daddy.  My heart broke.  There are so many moments when I wish so badly you were here.  To hear you giggle and smile as you would twirl and dance in your "Belle" dress like your sister, I would give anything.  It's so unpredictable, our grief over losing you.  It can be a woman at the checkout making faces at her baby in a car seat, a mother's voice calling her daughter who coincidentally is also named Sophia, a song, a smell, a warm Summer breeze.  Your memory strikes me at the oddest times making my spine stiffen and my eyes well up with tears.  The one thing you must know is, you are so greatly missed, each and every day.  A day will not pass without you entering our minds.  You were a part of this family and will always be.  We will do our best to share your life and the amazing impact you left on ours.  We thank God for you but miss you like crazy.

Love,

Mommy

 

Help Us, Help Hearts...

It has taken some time to get here but FINALLY!!!  We are able to announce our Help Us, Help Hearts Charity Event.  After a couple of months planning, meeting with the Clinic and getting this website complete, we are ready and so excited to raise money for the little heroes at The Cleveland Clinic Children's Hospital waiting for their transplants.  Something you should know about these heart kiddos; they actually have more heart than anyone you will ever meet :)  Innocent kids that are braver than they should have to be but still manage to smile.  We should all take a cue from these courageous kids!  Their parents have a different struggle.  One where the worries as a parent take their toll but they put on a brave face for their child.  We have been so privileged to get to know some of them and can tell you they are also the inspiration behind what we are doing because we have been where they are and know the worry, fear and desperation all too well.

There is so much hope at The Cleveland Clinic Children's Hospital.  Caring Physicians and staff that are dedicated to saving lives.  Dedicated to fixing or replacing hearts, giving the pediatric patients of Cleveland Children's a chance at life, these kids have so much to offer this world!   People have asked Tony and I why we are doing this, because our daughter died.  At the end of the day we know that Cleveland Children's did all they could to save our daughter.  We were inspired by them and what they do for families and other patients.  They recognized that Sophie was a champion, a fighter, a little girl - OUR little girl and gave us respect and dignity when it was time to say goodbye.  They fought for her.  It makes my heart swell with pride that we were led to do this for Cleveland Children's because of our beautiful baby girl, Sophie.  As hard as it is to live each day without her, I know that her life is making a difference for so many kids, so many families like ours.  As her parents we will make sure that Sophie leaves her mark on this world in a way that can truly impact heart patients and their families.  We plan to raise awareness and to make sure these little heroes are heard.  Thank you so much for being a part of what we are doing!  We hope to see you on June 2nd!

Details for our upcoming event can be found here.

 

 

 

Welcome to In Your Shoes!

We are so excited to launch this site!  It has been many hours of hard work, visions for what we wanted to do (and yes even some arguments because at times we didn't agree) but we are here and are so excited to share Sophie's life and her charity with everyone. 

I can't believe it has been almost 2 years since we lost our precious daughter. Some days it seems like it was just yesterday and others it seems like it has been an eternity.  I'm finding out this is pretty normal.  In the past two years we have been through such extremes emotionally and physically and we are realizing that there is no way our lives will ever be the same and quite frankly I don't think we would ever want our old lives back.  Our daughter was a miracle, a tiny 7lb, bull headed beauty who never allowed us to call any shots.  She spoke more to us in the days she lived than many speak in a lifetime.  I am so glad that Tony and I listened.  As cruel as we thought God was for taking her from her mother and father we have to cling to the fact that we were blessed with her for a reason.  So here we are, we believe this is it.  We are helping Sophie's life live on, our incredible little blessing has already had such an impact on others.  We are so proud that she was ours.

Thank you to everyone who has been here with us on this roller coaster ride, to those that have stuck by us as we ride the wave of grief and learn to live without our child.  We have good days; we smile, we laugh, we have fun with friends and as a family.  We have bad days too, even now.  Some days it seems she is all that is on our mind.  I wonder a lot what it would be like to have her here, almost 2 years old.  Her first word, her laugh, her admiration for her brother and sister...I miss that, I miss the thought of it. 

We welcome you to In Your Shoes, The Sophia Capo Memorial Foundation!  This is our "new normal" thanks for coming along and supporting our cause.

Love,

The Capo's